I try hard to make it. I just want to make you proud. I’m never gonna be good enough for you. Can’t pretend that I’m alright.
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect.
I need to be 21 already.
I hate crying. I hate feeling like I’m being taken for granted. I hate feeling like I could walk away today and not be noticed tomorrow.
I looked back at my resolutions from 2012 and I only followed through with a couple. But, it’s the start of a new year! This is the time of year that everyone is most ambitious and optimistic. A new year is symbolic for change and new opportunities. Overall, I just really want to make the most of each day. I’m already very happy with my life. Though 2012 definitely had it’s low points, I’m satisfied with how it ended.
Last year, I once again made it a goal to live more. As those who have known me a long time know, I was extremely shy in the past. It was hard for me to make friends. I didn’t know how to present my ideas and opinions. I was scared to step out of my comfort zone. However, each year I gain more confidence in myself and reach out more. 2012 was a huge step forward for me. I made so many new friends, tried so many new things, and formed stronger bonds with those I was previously intimidated of. I’ve grown a lot as a person this past year.
Some general highlights/milestones of 2012:
1. Returner into Oldie year with my PAC Modern family
2. Beyond Wonderland, Nocturnal Wonderland and Kaskade
3. Leaving Knott’s Berry Farm/Starting at Victoria’s Secret
4. Placing third at Battlefest
5. Getting to go to Haunt as a guest
6. First trip to Six Flags!
7. First trip to Queen Mary’s Dark Harbour
8. Vegas, all three trips
9. Becoming a part of PCN Board
10. Performing with Movement Project
11. The Color Run
12. Seeing the Endeavor
As far as resolutions go, I’ve been really stuck this year. I feel like I make the same ones every year and stick to two or three. But, I suppose that’s the spirit of the holiday. Since this year I want to focus on experiences as well as overall goals, I’ll include a couple things I’d love to see happen in 2013 besides a change in habits.
Resolutions for 2013:
1. Eat healthier
2. Exercise more
3. Focus more in school
4. Be more organized
5. Dance more
6. Travel more
7. Learn how to cook
8. Get to know people in my art classes better
9. Focus less on shopping for a lot of cheap clothes and more on quality staple pieces
10. Be more mindful of my money
12. Learn at least one new thing (language, instrument, dance style, etc…)
13. Read more
14. Drink less soda
Experiences:
1. Try new restaurants
2. Go to Vegas with my high school friends
3. Actually do something for my birthday this year (I’ll be 21!)
4. Go to Diddy Riese with buddy
5. Get to know my line even better
6. Fall ‘10 Day (wishful thinking… haha)
7. Go new places with the boyfriend
8. Insomniac events
9. Try for the BFA
10. Go hiking
11. Learn to swim? (HA.)
12. Go to 21+ events!
13. Have a girlfriend day where we’re actually all there (always seem to be missing one)
14. Explore L.A.
15. Visit more museums! I’m in love with them.
16. Take a Movement Lifestyle class
There are probably more, but those were the ones that first came to mind. Can’t wait to see what 2013 has in store!
Stripper Line through the years. I’m so proud to be part of this amazing group of women. They inspire me everyday. Can’t wait to get to know our two newest additions! :]
Our anniversary is a little more than a month and a half away but I’m already full of ideas of what to get you. I wish I had the money to get everything on my mental list. I seriously get way too excited about gift-giving!
Is sending a text really that much of a bother?
Sometimes a girl just needs to be told that she is beautiful. That she is loved and needed and worthwhile.
As I get older, I’m realizing just how important it is to take care of my body. This is the time in my life where I need to start forming healthy habits that I actually stick with. If my nutrition class this semester has taught me anything, it’s that I’m doing a horrible job of being healthy. My eating habits are bad, and it’s starting to catch up to me.
I’ve thought about changing my ways, but as anyone in this generation who’s tried to be healthy can tell you, it’s hard. With such a busy lifestyle, it’s no problem to stop for fast food or grab a bag of chips when I’m hungry. Also, I’m pretty bad when it comes to changing my habits. I don’t stick with things for very long.
So, I’ve concluded that this transformation needs to start with baby steps. I understand that I only get one body, so I need to start treating it right. This isn’t really about being skinny (though a slimmer tummy will be a plus!). It’s about being healthy and forming life-long regiments now.
My hope is that putting this in writing will make me feel more obligated to actually complete these goals… I’ll add more when I’m ready to.
Goals for this week:
1. No soda for one week.
2. Bring snacks to school instead of buying chips.
3. Do a set of sit-ups each day.
When you’re in junior high, you can’t wait to be in high school. You look forward to cooler classes, going to prom and meeting new friends. Everything will be better in high school.
When you’re in high school, you can’t wait to go off to college. You dream of huge parties, joining clubs and making a difference. You finally get to learn what you want to learn and have a chance to change whoever you ended up being in high school. Everything will be better in college.
When you’re in college, you can’t wait to be in the real world. You’ll be set with a career you love, move somewhere just right for you and make your own rules. You can finally be your own person. Everything will be better in the real world.
But what happens when you reach that elusive next step? Is that the part where you finally learn how to make peace with the time of your life that you’re living?
